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It’s called ACTING!

Alrighty… Papa Joe Simpson, the male Dina Lohan, is trying to make the world think his oldest daughter is still pure as the driven snow. Oh, and would rather have her do Gawd awful movies like Blond Ambition and that AWFUL looking “Private Benjamin” remake than actually acting. But would having Jessica play a porn star be acting? I mean, a sex tape is just a matter of time… I’m just saying…

According to Jessica‘s father and manager, Joe Simpson, the strangest movie role ever offered to his daughter, “was for Jessica to [play] a porn star,” he told PEOPLE at Thursday’s ABC Television Critics Association party in Beverly Hills.

“We were promised we would win an Oscar with that,” says Simpson, 49. “I was like, ‘Eh, we’ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.’ ”

Are you kidding me? I mean, it’s not that she would really be doing anything on-screen, she’d be pretending. Maybe. Isn’t that was actors do, PRETEND to be other people? Who knows if either of them can tell the difference between acting and real life. She may be tempted to go trailer hopping on set. I’m sure she thinks she’s really in the ARMY right now.

Or, maybe he knows his daughter can’t act and that this role would take SOME sort of range beyond the “gee I’m stupid, aren’t i pretty, my boobs are big, can you hold my hand?”

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