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Lance Armstrong's Secret Surgery!

lance-armstrong-screwed pic

I KNEW there was something fishy about the crash in Spain!!! Cycling News’ Special Edition is saying that while, yes, Lance Armstrong did break his collarbone (clavicle) in the bike race in Spain, the surgery isn’t what he has been telling all of us.

*Special Edition* Cycling News for April 1, 2009
Edited by the CN équipe Avril Imbécile

Sources within the Armstrong camp explained that initial reports that the break was a single, clean fracture were true. But the seven-time Tour winner had been told he could shave seconds per kilometre off of his time trials if only his shoulders weren’t so broad. The American decided that, since he faced several weeks of recovery from the broken bone anyhow, he might as well go through with a plan which would shorten both clavicles and narrow the width of his upper body.

Doctors cut out a section of the right clavicle before putting the bone back together with a plate and screws, then moved over to the previously intact left collarbone to duplicate the procedure. The surgery marks the first time an athlete has undergone such a radical surgery to gain a performance boost.

THAT’S INSANE!!!!! But, I wouldn’t put it past him… Surgically altering his body to be MORE AERODYNAMIC?

To read more click below

The insider continued on about Lance’s too broad shoulders….

“We did everything we could in the wind tunnel to shave fractions of seconds off of Lance’s times – Trek invented new technology to cheat the wind on the bike, Nike used space-age technology to create the world’s most aerodynamic skinsuit… but there was no getting around the fact that Lance’s frontal area was just bigger than other riders,” a spokesman said.

“The surgeons took two centimetres off of both collarbones and then screwed the bones back together,” he added. “With the titanium plates holding the bones in place, Lance is already cleared to get back on the trainer. He was so eager to find out how much more aerodynamic he is that we flew straight away to San Diego to do some tests in the wind tunnel. And boy, oh boy, all I can say is watch out!”

Oh, btw… the “Special Edition CN équipe Avril Imbécile” means it was for “April Fool’s” Day ;-)

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1 Comment

  1. ummm read the whole story, it was an april fools joke